Regarding Enterprise

I’m a lifelong Star Trek fan. I was obsessed with the original & animated series and movies as a kid; I’ve played the video games, read the comics and played the tabletop roleplaying games, and still do every chance I get. I’ve had starship models and own every Trek tech manual and background book published. I stayed with Trek right up through Voyager, where I began to stray slightly… but that may have been due to all the booze I was drinking and all the skirts I was chasing at the time. Eventually, Nemesis came along and shot a pair of photon torpedoes right through my Trek love*. I never gave Enterprise a chance because I never made time for it… and the theme music did not help one bit.

(*I’ll re-watch Nemesis soon and maybe I’ll jot down my thoughts on it.)

Eventually 2009 arrived with a bold and fascinating treat: The new Star Trek film. I loved it, and even though my love for Trek in general hadn’t died, it was definitely operating at only one-quarter impulse. Star Trek changed that. It switched out my warp coils and gave me Warp 12 capability. All of a sudden I needed more Trek, and fast. I picked up all four seasons of Enterprise, and that helped to continue my Trek Love rekindling.

Rather than write a huge essay chock full my Enterprise thoughts as eloquent prose, I figured I’d just give you guys the bullet-point version. It’s easier that way for me since I just jot down things as they come to me and then I don’t have bother with a real “write up”.

Tactical Alert: This stellar region is riddled with spoilers and other space/time distortions. Also, if blue language offends you, you may need to engage a vocab-filter. You have been warned, pink-skin.

Quick Abbreviation Key:

• DS9 = Deep Space Nine
• TOS = The Original Series
• TNG = The Next Generation

Then again, if you’re reading this you should know very well what those mean.

The Bullet Points (in no particular order):

• I learned to enjoy the Vulcans. I never liked them much, and when I saw the Star Trek film, I had about the same reaction as the humans did to the destruction of Vulcan (“Huh.”). But after watching Enterprise, I realized that Vulcans were complex, cool and downright sexy in their own way. Now I mourn the loss of Vulcan in full.
• Andorians are fucking awesome; especially Commander Shran. Whenever I saw him show up I got a serious fan-glee boner.
• Star Trek finally began to represent the Trek I always wanted to see on TV. It’s Original Series with some upgrades.Enterprise is the best looking show by far: The uniforms, ships, races, effects—everything; it kicked ass. Sure, it had some cheese moments… but overall it was a great representation of the future.
• It’s obvious to me now that the latest and greatest Star Trek movie is basically Enterprise laid over Star Wars. I can see that the people involved in creating the film were big fans of the last Trek show, and they even had some references to it. It’s too bad that the new film was more poorly written than the show it heavily borrowed from. But that’s okay, because the poor plot is made up for by The Awesome.

• Captain Archer is now my favorite Captain, with Picard in a close second. Sure, I enjoy Kirk, but he was always kinda 1.5 dimensional in the TOS show and the movies, with a personality that seemed to mold to fit whatever story was going on. Kirk is nothing without his supporting cast; whereas Archer holds up on his own… perhaps TOO well, in fact, since the other main Enterprise characters seem to be less fleshed out at times. To be fair, Sisko (Deep Space Nine) may be the coolest Star Trek alpha-character ever.

• Doctor Phlox is now my all time favorite Star Trek character, narrowly beating out Quark from DS9.
• While the third and fourth seasons of Enterprise appeared to be ratings ploy after ratings ploy, I have to admit it freaking worked. I was glued. Riveted. Bolted in place, feverishly awaiting what happened next. The last time this happened on a Trek show was "Best of Both Worlds" (TNG), and that was many moons ago. To be fair, DS9 managed to do the same thing, but it was less intense (and far more interesting at times).

• They wanted to make T’Pol the “sexpot draw”. Well, it worked. Damn, she’s HOT.
• Captain Archer is much more “natural” as the series progresses. It would seem that Scott Bakula does “action” and “angst” much better than “diplomatic”. He’s certainly more Kirk than Picard. Yes, I’m using “quotey fingers” while I type this. I'm totally ninja like that.
• Enterprise sure did take a sharp turn by the end of Season 2. For the first season and most of the second season, I was able to watch the show with my older son, who’s 5. But by the time Season 3 rolls around, it becomes a much more mature and violent show. I certainly enjoyed it, but it was waaaay over my son’s head at that point. Not that seasons 1 and 2 are nice wholesome family entertainment, but they are much less violent and adult than Seasons 3 and 4.
• During Season 4 I was happy to see some new “bottle shows”, meaning self-contained eps. Third season was one giant arc, similar to the rebooted Battlestar Galactica. Know what I hated more about BSG? Very few standalone stories.
• To this day, no other show comes to mind that has an audience killing theme song like Enterprise. Both versions were unbearable and so anti-Trek it pained me to hear it. I liked the montage sequence, but the music was fucking inexcusable. It’s worse than the new Flash Gordon show was*, and I will argue that the new Flash Gordon is worse than leukemia. The Enterprise theme song is what made me turn it off multiple times without watching the episode that followed when it was first on the air. Got that producers? I didn’t watch Enterprise and enjoy it until 4 years AFTER it was cancelled—mostly due to the shitty theme music. I mean, what the fuck were they thinking?

(*I'm seriously considering watching all of those Flash Gordon eps... you know, for Science. And PAIN.)

• Why didn’t they just put T’Pol in a Starfleet uniform when she joined? Come on, her outfits were ghastly. Luckily the actress who plays T’Pol is so damned sexy that I really wasn’t paying attention to what she was wearing anyway.
• I’ll agree with the common fan complaint that Ensign Mayweather wasn’t developed enough. It’s too bad, too, as I really liked him and his potential. I suppose the same could be said for Hoshi, but they did a good job of adding to her more throughout the series. Anyways, it was good to see Travis Mayweather get some at the end of the show. I will also wager Shran never called him a pink-skin. No one messes with Ensign Travis Maywether. No one.
• Enterprise has one of the worst series finales in the history of series finales, topped only by the shitfuck storm of BSG’s ender. They said it was a valentine to Trek fans… what, is Zyclon B what producers are using for valentines these days? Terrible, just terrible. As an ender, I mean. As an episode, I loved it. Especially if they had changed it to say that Tucker didn’t really die. That would have been nice, as he was totally cheap shotted out of the Trek mortal coil.
• Oh, alright. Zyclon B is too freaking harsh. How about VX gas?
• I loved how they worked the Borg into the series, connecting it to First Contact AND making it the possible reason why the Borg go after the humans in the first place. It also compliments the Voyager Borg oriented episodes nicely, too
• Did I mention how fucking cool the Andorians are?
• I would have liked to have seen more done with Lieutenant Reed. Still, he was a great character with some interesting facets and flaws. Sometimes his flaws could seem a bit over-wrought... I mean, this guy has a lot of odd quirks for a tactical officer.
• I was actually very sad to see Admiral Forrest killed. It was a pretty lame death, too, but I suppose in the greater scheme of things it coincides with the best use of Vulcans in a Star Trek show or movie ever.
• You know, I didn’t seem to have a problem with the primary bridge crew constantly being the first ones on away missions, or into the mouth of heck, in nearly every episode. It seemed to make sense since they were explorers, and that Archer had a deep need to be punched in the face. A lot.
• They sure do recycle a lot of Deep Space 9 plots, though. That’s one big problem I had. It wasn’t the nods to Voyager, TNG, TOS and the movies that bugged me—no, I loved that stuff— it was this weird thing they had about taking a few of the DS9 eps and fully reusing them. A minor quibble, really, since by the time Enterprise aired everyone had forgotten about DS9.
• Are you sitting there thinking “Steve, I haven’t forgotten about DS9”? Really? NERD.

• Klingons are very enjoyable in Enterprise. QAPLA'!
• I love how “Mal-kom” is said to be the Vulcan word for “serenity” (though it may not be since this is all in Lt. Reed’s dream sequence in that ep). Get it? Mal-kom? Malcom? Malcom from Firefly / Serenity? This had to be a little in-joke, folks. If not, it’s still rad.
• I also really dug how other races were snuck in here and there, like Cardassians and Romulans. Of course, I absolutely loved the Ferengi episode (and it had Clint Howard!). I have a special place in my heart for those Ferengi bastards… probably because they represent the humans of today on the show.

• Is it wrong to have thought Shran’s lieutenant, Talas, was hot? The blue skin, dark outfit, moving antennae-- there’s something about an Andorian, y’know?
• All the time travel stuff, temporal cold war, etc etc etc, really didn’t deter me. It was a bit too much, sure, but I got a kick out of it nonetheless. Even the "Storm Front" eps, which I really should have loathed since Nazis are so played out with most time travel sci-fi stories.
• Did anyone else notice during "Storm Front" that an African-American woman from 200 years in the past was brought on board Enterprise… kinda like what happened in First Contact? Not that I’m complaining; I just found it interesting to note. It should also be noted that both women are incredible actors.
• The Suliban were cute, and it was nice to see them developed better as the series went on. Sadly, they were written out; as were the Xindi.
• I will say this: The people of Earth reacted much more unfavorably to the Xindi attack that kills 7 million people than how they react to AN ENTIRE PLANET being destroyed in the latest Star Trek movie. The Vulcans didn’t seem all that upset, either, but damn— those Starfleet humans were COLD, dude.
• Talking about the Xindi world-killer weapon arc reminds me of the new Trek movie. There was even some time travel involved in that, too. No one will ever convince me that the creative team behind 2009’s Star Trek were not lifting heavily from Enterprise (and mixing it with Star Wars). Not a bad thing at all, mind, but it’s still obvious.
• It's at this point I wish someone had decided to make Star Trek have a number or additional title. Sigh.
• I will bet you cash-money right now that the Reptilian species of the Xindi would freak David Icke right the fuck out.

• Archer does some evil shit in the series. It’s what makes his character so fascinating, and is a testament to the excellent writing and also the acting skills of Bakula. I still catch myself wondering if Earth ever sent anyone to give some new warp engine parts to those alien folks Archer encountered, leaving them with a 3 year trip to get home on impulse power. Yeah, Archer committed piracy with an armed boarding crew and everything. Hardcore first contact with a new species, indeed.

• I would be insane if I said I hated the Mirror Universe episodes… and the intro music to those eps didn’t suck sweaty nads, either!
• I think the Enterprise NX-01 takes more of a beating in a single episode than Enterprise-D or NCC-1701 take in entire seasons. Combined.
• Whoever came up with the idea for having MACOs on starships is an amazing human being/s. MACOs are essentially space marines. Fuck yeah.

• Enterprise is the only Star Trek show where I’ve seen someone get a see-thru hole blasted through them.
• Seeing Tucker Smallwood as a Xindi was fantastic. I loved him in Space: Above and Beyond. Also, speaking of that late, great show, when I heard a ship mentioned called Saratoga, I naturally thought of S:AaB.
• Interesting to see the Remans from Nemesis back, but I guess I can accept them and everything. Though I’ve always thought the whole Romulus and Remas / Roman thing was a little TOO close to Earth history for my tastes. On the flip side, I really like the Aenar, who are a white, blind and telepathic subspecies of Andorians.
• Personally, I quite like how the TOS Klingon appearance (more human-looking / no forehead ridges) was explained. Not only that, but it links with the Augments (KHAAAAANNN!!), which was a piece of story writing wizardry.

• Always nice to see the Orions, er, fleshed out. After watching Season 4’s “Bound” episode I had a strange urge to read She-Hulk.
• Brent Spiner is the MAN. Ahhh, it’s nice to know that my final Trek memories of him will not be of B-4 (ugh) but of another crazy Soong bastard.
• It was very cool to see Family Guy’s Seth MacFarlane in some episodes.
• I propose that the first official Star Trek / Star Wars crossover be called STAR GIRLS and it will be about a starship crewed by female Zeltrons and Orions... What.
• I give Enterprise full credit for making The Search for Spock a little more enjoyable, thanks to it expanding Vulcan spirit stuff and making it a bit more believable. The third Trek film still sucked, though, but it’s now just a liiiiitle better
• The Enterprise main cast never changes, but many changes happen with the individual main crew members. Always nice to see. On the downside, there were hardly any other regular secondary cast members. Maybe reoccurring ones like Forrest, Shran and Soval.
• Now that I’ve mentioned Soval, I really like how he grew throughout the series. I also grew to like him, too, after first severely loathing the Vulcans. Well done, Enterprise.

• As awesome as Crewman Daniels was, it would’ve been great to have seen more of him. Then again, that’s part of his allure, really.
• Wait. Am I correct in assuming that Orion females were first revealed to NOT be slaves, but rather the clandestine (at least to outsiders) rulers of their people? Man, that’s pretty sexy, I have to admit.
• It’s never a dull moment when Section 31 shows up. If there had been a Season 5, I bet we would have seen more of these guys.
• Why in the world did producers want to just call it Enterprise instead of Star Trek: Enterprise at the beginning of its run? That decision makes no sense. It’s Star Trek, you fools; it’s best to have that name in there. Yeah, yeah, it worked for Smallville, but I like to think that’s because it didn’t want to let on right away it was based on the DCU (and hey, it almost worked on me!).
• No, really, who thought it would be a swell idea to kill off Tucker in the last ep? WHO? Were they trying to pull a Whedon pre-Serenity? Goddamn time travelers meddling in everything!!
• Not one Enterprise crew member dies in Season 1. That’s saying something right there.
• There were some great guest stars on the show… Clancy Brown, Tiny Lister and Peter Weller spring to mind.
• It’s too bad Q (or a Q) never showed up in Enterprise. Though in a way, Daniels filled that role.
• It would seem that the transporter in Enterprise is safer than it is in any other Trek series. I mean, seriously: would you want to use the transporter? I’m freaked out just thinking of a “transporter accident”, which seem quite common. I guess it would be like everyone in the bridge crew being in at least one passenger jet crash in a five year span-- perhaps more. Would you want to fly? Hell no. On the bright side, shuttles seem nigh indestructible.

• Was anyone else let down that no one slipped in a “get your ass to Mars” joke in the “Terra Prime” ep? Also, I found myself saying “Terra-ists” out loud a lot while watching.
• One of my hopes post-Enterprise is that they never, EVER cross it over with the X-Men. No, not the Avengers, either. I might be cool with Galactus, however.
• I still get chills from the theme music they did for the Mirror Universe episodes. It just may be my favorite Trek theme music. This is in stark contrast to the regular Enterprise theme music, which sounds like a drugged up cat in heat.
• Hey, have I complained about the shitty theme music yet?
• It was pretty neat how Chef is never named or shown. Well, until Riker plays him in the final episode, of course.
• Was it my imagination, or was everyone the same rank in the last ep as they were 6 years before? Are you telling me that Mayweather is STILL an ensign? Really?
• Trip Tucker’s death in the final episode was utterly senseless and retarded. I guess Berman meant “a bloody valentine to the fans”, eh? The wink was a nice touch, though.
• I hear Tucker comes back in the Enterprise novels… looks like I’ll be hitting the bookstore this week.
• Enterprise has fist-fights or space battles, or fist-fights AND space battles nearly every single episode. A good thing, trust me.

• Finally, I would LOVE to know what happens with the NX-02 ship, Columbia, and her crew.

And that’s just scratching the surface of what is no doubt a deep and complex subject. Many people I know wrote off Enterprise as “cheap”, “anti-Trek” and “shallow”. I feel Enterprise goes above and beyond proving those presumptions dead wrong. In fact, I’ll goes as far to say that few aspects of Star Trek as a whole go as far as Enterprise demonstrating the True Nature of Trek. It has heart, it has action, it has adventure, it has science and it has, most importantly, exploration. Of the galaxy, stars, planets, civilizations, cultures and the human condition, as well as whatever other non-human conditions there are. While the show tended to reflect current events (albeit not nearly as grossly over-the-top / in-your-face ala BSG*), it still provided a portal to another place, another universe where heroes, villains and everyone in-between reside to give us the ultimate ride in entertainment.

(*Battlestar Galactica fans, don’t get me wrong, I really loved BSG for the most part and miss it. Not only that, but Caprica is looking damned good.)

I’ll agree with those who say Enterprise was dark. Yes, it is dark, even very dark at times. When in rolls into third season it becomes downright bleak. I can see how this lost old-school Trekkies; but those people were more TNG than TOS, in my opinion. TNG was great, but it had a certain sterile aspect that it tried throwing off with great difficulty in its later seasons. TNG was a family show, whereas Enterprise is for those kids who watched TNG and are ready for something with more stones than your father’s Star Trek. This may be way the latest Trek film is so much like Enterprise. The current next generation of Trek fans want something faster and better and before, with sharper teeth, a bit more grit and yet still imparting a sense of wonder. Something… well, something pulpy. Enterprise was— is pulpy. And that this year Star Trek works so nicely for audiences is proof positive to me Enterprise had it’s place setting up the stage for a Trek film that would blow our socks right the fuck off.

Oh, what I would give to see a Season 5. I’m certain it would have been as exciting and full of headlong adventure as the previous 4 seasons. Plus, I hear that Commander Shran would have become a part of the crew. Stupid cancellation.

At the end of the day, as folks these days are wont to say when they’re ready to deliver a point, I’m happy I watched Enterprise. It has given me a whole new appreciation of Trek and the characters that inhabit its many layers and vast breadth of its magnificent fantasy structure. This may not be the most adept article on Enterprise ever (no, really), but it’s my take and my valentine to fellow Trek fans everywhere. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed slapping  it together. And hey, if you feel like it, strike up some communications in the comments! I would absolutely dig reading your thoughts.

Live long. Prosper. Demand new Star Trek on TV.

Note: Images snagged from Memory Alpha, the Star Trek Wiki-- one of my favorite places to kill many hours on the internet. If you have any questions about anything I bring up, you can be sure to find out more on it at Memory Alpha.

Next time around I hope to provide some random notes on Season 1 of Andromeda…. wish me luck!