MouthFist Episode 10

Episode 10: Just A Lotta Rapin' Goin' On Length: 1:02:59 One or two people might have been left wondering where the MouthFist Podcast went after three months of silence. Ryan and Steve finally return to answer that question and show their listeners why they probably shouldn't have wanted another episode. In what

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

I'd say that I felt like I'd been a little bit harsh toward Paul W.S. Anderson as a director, were it not for the fact that he wrote this collosal piece of shit. Everything that was bad about the first film is amped up in its sequel, taking the ludicrous story

Resident Evil

I was invited to go see the latest Resident Evil atrocity. I knew full well what I was getting into, but I value spending time with friends more than not watching awful movies. Of course, many who know me would insist that those two tend to go hand-in-hand. I figured

MouthFist Episode 9

Episode 9: The Least Relevant Thing Ever Length: 1:26:07 After not bothering to record for six weeks and Ryan not being concerned enough to edit the audio for another three, MouthFist returns with a scattered, sometimes tired, and mainly tangential podcast that attempts to cover things done or watched during that

MouthFist Episode 8

Episode 8: Rambling Nonsense For The Tenth Straight Week Length: 1:15:45 Hot on the heels of Episode 7's recording, Ryan & Steve don't let the lack of a firm topic stop them from filling over an hour of your time. Steve wants to talk about The Hunger Games for no good reason,

MouthFist Episode 10

MouthFist Episode 10

Episode 10: Just A Lotta Rapin' Goin' On Length: 1:02:59 One or two people might have been left wondering where the MouthFist Podcast went after three months of silence. Ryan and

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

I'd say that I felt like I'd been a little bit harsh toward Paul W.S. Anderson as a director, were it not for the fact that he wrote this collosal

Resident Evil

Resident Evil

I was invited to go see the latest Resident Evil atrocity. I knew full well what I was getting into, but I value spending time with friends more than not

MouthFist Episode 9

MouthFist Episode 9

Episode 9: The Least Relevant Thing Ever Length: 1:26:07 After not bothering to record for six weeks and Ryan not being concerned enough to edit the audio for another three, MouthFist

MouthFist Episode 8

MouthFist Episode 8

Episode 8: Rambling Nonsense For The Tenth Straight Week Length: 1:15:45 Hot on the heels of Episode 7's recording, Ryan & Steve don't let the lack of a firm topic stop

mfp-logo-smEpisode 11: The Lost Episode
Length: 1:14:48

Originally recorded June 20th, 2013, this particular episode was mothballed due to sound issues (on Steve's end) and intense laziness when faced with having to spend time fixing them (on Ryan's end). Finally having gotten around to barely bothering to edit it before one of them ends up dying, the finished product is provided for your undesired listening.

In this episode, Ryan and Steve rag hard on comic writers, Superman, D.C. Comics, and Prometheus, as well as give their thoughts on Dredd , "Game Of Thrones" vs. A Song Of Ice And Fire, and the requisite talk about Warhammer. (And, of course, there's a deluge of fucking spoilers. Be warned.)

No one's exactly clamoring for more and Steve's schedule and health keep the show from being regularly recorded, so this one-year-later podcast might be the final outing of MouthFist... Or will it?

 

Read more...

mfp-logo-smEpisode 10: Just A Lotta Rapin' Goin' On
Length: 1:02:59

One or two people might have been left wondering where the MouthFist Podcast went after three months of silence. Ryan and Steve finally return to answer that question and show their listeners why they probably shouldn't have wanted another episode.

In what is easily my least-favorite episode of all time, I am talked into recording a podcast while not mentally feeling up to it, leading to a slow and disjointed discussion of a trip that I didn't really want to talk about at too much length and thought I was going to write a detailed synopsis/travelogue of. What should have just been a Skype call between Ryan and Steve to catch up turns into something other people have to listen to, as we drone on and on about industrial music and a rundown of the Cold Waves Jamie Duffy Memorial Show in Chicago is given.

If you've come for the funny, you probably won't find it, as not much interesting is said, unless you're an industrial music fan or want to hear about Ryan & Steve's opinions on Amanda Palmer's PR disaster. Perhaps Ryan should have followed through with his threat to pad it out to 2 hours with Windows system noises.

The next episode will be drastically better.

Read more...

rating-1.5resident evil apocalypseI'd say that I felt like I'd been a little bit harsh toward Paul W.S. Anderson as a director, were it not for the fact that he wrote this collosal piece of shit.

Everything that was bad about the first film is amped up in its sequel, taking the ludicrous story of a viral zombie outbreak precipitated by the cartoonishly evil and inept Umbrella Corporation (a name that stinks with the dumbshittedness of the Japanese misunderstanding of English) and ham-fistedly turnng it into a 12-year-old boy's wet dream, featuring wooden actors that do things for inexplicable reasons before throwing in "bad ass" stunts that make no logical sense whatsoever. "Wouldn't it be super kick-ass if a badass bitch comes flying through a stained glass window 20 feet in the air on a motorcycle, while running over  monsters and flipping through the air, shooting them with machine guns?" No. Not even a little, especially if you're not a teenager whose brain is swimming in too many hormones and backed-up semen to think properly.

I cannot say enough bad things about story that film is supposedly telling. The plot is abject shit, dumbing down the already weak formula of the first movie to provide more action and even less moments of coherence. For example, why are police trying to arrest obvious zombies? And why, then, do none of them seem all that shocked or distressed that a stupidly-scantly-clad suspended officer walks into the building and starts executing their prisoners without a gun being drawn or a harsh word being said? And that's just in the first few minutes. I could give endless examples of why this movie is the most insipidly stupid thing I've watched in some time. What about the viral outbreak that turns the living into zombies somehow causing long-dead corpses to pop up out of their graves for no reason that could possibly ever be explained? Why does Umbrella bother to create absurd biological weapons like Nemesis and then have them fistfight to "test their capabilities" (not that any of its biological weapons projects makes the slightest sense or have any military use whatsoever)?  I could go on for hours, but that sensation should be left up to this movie, as it's the expert in that area.

Everything Anderson did poorly in the first film, Alexander Witt does even worse. The direction is awful; the decent performances coaxed out in the first movie are completely dead-eyed and hollow under his instruction in this film; the tone is wretched and dated-looking; the budget looks lower, despite being over $10 fucking million higher; the CGI is nearly as bad in 2004, when it had become relatively cheap and fairly consistent. This truly feels like some horrible 1995 science-fiction film that appears washed-out and cartoonishly flat in its overindulgence and reliance on setpieces. It's no wonder that Witt never directed a movie before or since, but it's strange that such a talented DP could produce such visually-awful product.

Even the decent Manson score is gone in favor of a backwards-feeling orchestral score. Never have I seen a series take such a step backwards and produce something so awful, particularly on a $44 million budget.

Truly, this is everything I was dreading when watching these movies. Anderson is probably one of the worst writers working in the film industry today. It makes me long for Tommy Wiseau's absurd nonsense to take my mind off of the most poorly-constructed assemblage of standard, lazy character archetypes that you can throw together. But at least it's short.

imdb  amazon

rating-2.0resident-evilI was invited to go see the latest Resident Evil atrocity. I knew full well what I was getting into, but I value spending time with friends more than not watching awful movies. Of course, many who know me would insist that those two tend to go hand-in-hand. I figured that if I was going to go see it, I'd do it right and catch up on the previous films so as to get the full "experience".

It'd been many years since I'd seen the first three Resident Evil films and I had, blissfully, forgotten almost every detail of the movies, except for my groaning dislike of their awful cobbling together of shitty second-rate American filmmaking with the kind of retarded bullshit that only the Japanese can muster up with a straight face. There is a special place in hell for the Japanese, who are completely incapable of writing anything that falls within the realms of logic, reason, or an attempt at any meaningful substance. You heap on top of that the likes of career moron Paul W.S. Anderson and you have a recipe for cinematic disaster.

For what it's worth, Resident Evil was bad in a way that I didn't really remember. I would have assumed it was strictly the boredom of watchng an ostensible zombie film that doesn't feature much in the way of killing zombies or the generally awful acting of Milla Jovovich, who can only convincingly play insane or mentally challenged characters. Instead, it was the tone of the film, which attempted to hybridize action and horror, or at least what Anderson probably imagines that horror would look like if he ever made a horror film. Many people seem to like his 90's abortion Event Horizon and, for its time, it wasn't completely awfu, but its poor attempts at doing a haunted house movie in space with liberal Hellraiser touches while cribbing the plot from Aliens couldn't honestly be categorized as "good" in any capacity. Resident Evil is a retread of that same tired plot, stolen from Aliens and aped badly, with a military force invading an abandoned and desolate installation, looking for survivors and to understand the events that caused a catastrophe; of course, things go to shit and most everyone dies horribly at the hands of monsters and misfortune. It's a good thing Anderson doesn't have to come up with a new plot, because I'm not sure he could manage it.

So we get an uneven, ugly-looking mess that, while made in the early 2000's, feels 5 years older than it actually is. The CGI is terrible and the overall effects are rather poor, the whole thing looking oddly dated and even more cheap than its $20-something million budget would imply.

The acting is actully one of the more reasonable parts of the film, as a good enough cast was assembled, but unfortunately they were put through the paces of a Paul W.S. Anderson plot, which involves spouting semi-moronic lines between bouts of people inexplicably doing stupid things before another fight scene is wedged in.

Of course, the plot is beyond contempt. Anderson tries to fit in some references to the games, which probably doesn't benefit anyone; those who like the games will undoubtedly not like the movies for reasons I probably can't understand, as the games are beneath contempt, and movie-viewers will find the whole of it to be sub-literate trash, not even making an attempt to deliver something interesting. Nothing translates to film quite like a series based around old adventure game keyhunt formulas of finding the right thing to get to the next part to find another thing to get to another place. The events of the games are nothing more than a Rube Goldberg device to get the cipher-like characters to a boss battle at the completion of a thin, nonsensical plot. The movie instead fills the time with fight scenes that aren't particularly interesting. But at least it doesn't attempt to imply a "horror" in "survival horror" that has always been non-existent in that genre.

Ultimately, the movie ended up being a bit more watchable than I remembered based solely on the fact that it was blessedly short and it spent so little time trying to provide background or personalities for the characters that I couldn't be too annoyed by how idiotic it was. It didn't start making me want to beat my own head in until near the end when I was forced to take laughably bad CGI monsters seriously. And I did enjoy a good part of Marilyn Manson's score, which often worked in places when it was sticking to dark, moody atmospherics and not throwing in out-of-place loops of guitar from Nine Inch Nails' "Wish".

Still, the poorly-plotted, cheap-looking, badly-paced, predictable, dated, silly, cliched mess created no new love for Anderson and only continued to detract from my opinion of anyone who can sit through these fourth-rate monstrosities with anything resembling a straight face or a belief that what they're watching is enjoyable.

imdb  amazon

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