Yesterday was Infinite Earth Day around these parts, and with every IED comes the much beloved Earth Day Earth-Eating Contest! Beings great and not small at all show up in droves to compete to see who is Consumer Imperator.

Oh! This just in… The Big Purple Guy could have been an impostor. Hmmm… that would make some sense. I mean, Rush Limbaugh can consume voraciously but versus The Big Purple Guy? I… I dunno. BPG can cram earths into his maw like scrawny neo-con women cram cocaine up their noses in Green Rooms. And that, my friends, is scary.

Still, a Winner is a Winner.

And to those who had their civilizations destroyed permanently in the blink of an eye (or mastication of the jaws): Sorry.

Ravenously Yours,
Lord Orcus

P.S. I haven’t been allowed to complete since I’m, like, a god. Apparently gods cheat. Damn that Thor. I just know it’s his fault!