Lucky McKee is known for May, his artsy independant "horror" movie (moreso a weird teen drama about a damaged girl) starring Angela Bettis, a deserving and fairly-gifted actress, wasted in McKee's movies. While the movie garnered critical acclaim for being weird and portraying a strange, meek girl breaking down and doing odd, murderous things, it was shockingly mediocre to anyone that isn't some emotionally-damaged teen who identifies too closely with Bettis' beyond-strange character.

I have to question why Lucky McKee was invited to be involved with "Masters Of Horror". He is for horror what Wes Anderson is to comedy. Obviously, at some point, there's been some interest there, but their creations bear no real similarity to the genres one might associate them with. Unfortunately, there is no genre for "emotional fragile and psychologically damaged indie chick flicks". And, as such, there shouldn't have been a place for him here.

But there was. And he is. And the episode was like something lame dragged out of an episode of "Monsters". (Am I the only one that remembers that anthology?) I mean, really, this is sub-"Freddy's Nightmares" material here.

What you have, basically, is lesbian fetishism for dork-ass loser guys, featuring Angela Bettis as a nebbish. (Well on your way to typecasting now, Angela?) She's too dorky to make relationships with normal people, only insects, as McKee dwells solely in the realm of people (or should I say women?) whose social interactions are stunted by some kind of awkward inability to relate to others. And not in the cool sociopathic way.

Well, Bettis meets her dream girl in poor, sweet Misty Mundae, who does her best for someone best known for softcore lesbian porn as an insect-lover with a real interest in the disbelieving nebbish. Misty and Angela start a relationship that is complicated by a strange insect shipped to her that, of course, bites Misty and starts turning her into something else.

Really, there's no point in telling you any more than that. The episode was a consumate disappointment and felt exceptionally amateurish. Thankfully, McKee was not brought back for season two, but there was no new interesting talent added, so it's a small consolation.

I have no interest or sympathy in people that enjoy this episode, as it's just silly crap. I have nothing constructive to offer, as I have nothing but contempt for the lack of acumen shown by McKee at every turn. It's not funny, if you can even consider its lame weirdness an attempt at comedy. The effects aren't interesting, just seeming retro and bad. The acting is flat under the weight of the stupid script and Misty's acting inexperience, often called "naturalistic", but actually just amateurish.

I can only hope that Angela Bettis and Misty Mundae find better names to hitch their wagon to in the future, though it would be hard not to. The fact that Bettis is directing a film written by and starring McKee is saddening. But at least I never have to watch this episode again.

Possibly seeming better than it is because of low expectations or coming so close on the heels of excellent episodes, "Fair Haired Child" is probably the last episode of "Masters Of Horror" to show any real promise.

William Malone, director of the terrible but interesting-looking FeardotCom, gives an interesting visual approach to a fairly cut and dried ghost story, a tale of a girl being sacrificed to save an already-dead son.

There are a variety of nay-sayers who disparage this particular episode, but there is also a variety of people who like the shittiest episodes of the season for no discernibly good reason, so you can take all that with a grain of salt.

Above all other things, this episode at least manages to keep you interested in and entertained by what goes on, without just putting you into a generic horror coma.

The great failing of the anthology format is displayed in its lesser and, particularly, its more mediocre episodes. This is obviously not one of them, as it does not stand to totally shame the franchise with its existence and only petty whiners would complain too loudly about the episode.

It stands slightly above the pack, in large part due to the lack of meat to its brethren, though you can’t blame it for the other episodes’ failings. The plot is of little note, the acting is nothing of exceptional mention, and the only thing that stands out is some interesting stylistic and effects-oriented touches.

It can’t be said that this is one of the worse episodes of the show, but I guarantee it won’t be memorable.

"Deer Woman", John Landis' entry into the "Masters Of Horror" series, is where things really started to pick up, however briefly.

"Deer Woman" isn't probably great in the sense that most horror fans would appreciate, as they seem to deride it as stupid and revel in nothing but gore- and blood-soaked massacres with plots resembling nothing but an episode of "Cold Case Files". They desire no art, no heart, and no soul to their entertainment, only buckets of viscera and cringeworthy effects. Anything else, to them, is unnecessary set dressing and serves no purpose to a "true" horror fan.

I beg to differ. That kind of retarded, assfaced thinking is typical of the grunting, stupid horror elite, IQ's barely higher than their shoe size, more interested in masturbating to Rotten.com than seeing or having made any form of higher, more intelligent entertainment under the "horror" umbrella. Anything that is not some half-assed imbecilic Italian horror shlock is obviously inferior.

Given that, "Deer Woman" is a perfect balance of horror and comedy, combining the better parts of Landis' American Werewolf In London with Landis' comedy direction. Brian Benben, long unseen since HBO's "Dream On", provides a really excellent comedic performance as a burnt-out, embittered cop, trying to solve a series of brutal murders, comitted by inhuman hands. Anthony Griffith plays a cop who gets him involved with the case as he tracks down the beautiful Native American woman behind the carnage, Cinthia Moura (who I wouldn't mind seeing in absolutely anything, even if she doesn't speak).

To tell much more would give away the few secrets within, but the ride here is well-worth taking and this stands as the only "Masters" episode to successfully crossbreed horror and comedy, especially in hilarious dream sequences (reminiscent again of "Dream On").

This will not please all the gore-hounds looking for a Miike massacre or a Fulchi bloodbath, but it is one of the few episodes that transcends the series and actually arrives at some part of what the experiment promised.

"Cigarette Burns" is the best episode of "Masters Of Horror". Anyone that tells you is a liar, an idiot, or some Japanese movie fetishist who thinks that Miike's bloody but unintelligible offering is somehow superior to something with a plot.

"Cigarette Burns" plays out like a combination of the Kult roleplaying game and something Lovecraftian. Like 8mm combined with Carpenter's In The Mouth Of Madness.

The plot covers a young man, played well by Norman Reedus (whom I usually don't like), in search of a rare film that has incited its viewers to madness and murder. He begins his search for the cursed film and is drawn into its dark web of mystery, leading to some of the most dark and explicit acts of violence and gore in the series, played in a bleakly human light instead of the shiny and intentionally-shocking method that a scene of violence usually receives. The short film earns its revulsion and takes us on a journey with Reedus to find the cursed artifact and see it all to its end.

Carpenter works with fresh-faced writers Drew McWeeny & Scott Swan to craft a really excellent short film that surpasses its made-for-cable roots to be something more powerful. Carpenter, for his part, manages to undo much of the damage done to audiences with Ghosts Of Mars and Escape From L.A. in one fell swoop, reminding us that he really is one of the masters of the horror genre, much like most of the has-beens, whose only real claim to the field is having made one bloody movie that people remember (sometimes even less).

For all his flaws, this proves again that Carpenter is a man to beat and that you can't often do better than bleak mythical fables of dark artifacts bringing about unspeakable change.

Coming hot on the heels of "Chocolate", "Homecoming" was a breath of unexpected fresh air, though it has an equally lauded and awful rap, depending on who you talk to.

Detractors point out its stupidity, its obviousness, its lack of depth, and its divisive nature. Advocates appreciate its political satire, its ribbing of asshole pundits, and its thoughtful pointedness about our times. So, as you can see, opposing viewpoints, much as you are wont to see in our political culture.

The plot involves a conservative pundit's opportunistic wish that all our fallen troops from the Iraq War would return, sure to vote for his neo-con President in a tight election. His wish, of course, comes true and the troops rise from the grave to the astonishment of the establishment.

They don't know how to deal with the troops, so they handle things badly. There's camps. People are told the apocalypse is coming.

Of course, all they want to do is vote. So they're allowed to and they pass back into death. Until their votes are discounted... The rest you'll have to see.

It has analogues for Cindy Sheehan, Karl Rove, a particularly nasty jab at Ann Coulter, all the biggest, dumbest talking heads in the business. It's a fairly astute vision of politics, filtered through the pathos of our troops and the sacrifice they make for... well, roughly nothing. It lampoons the assholes that run our world blisteringly.

The one criticism I have is the very end, which is far too cartoonish and pushes well past the point, which was already made. No need to drive it home, Mr. Dante.

Joe Dante is a horror fan and has made a name for himself as a director. It is well-deserved. Sam Hamm shows that he has an excellent handle on how to tell a horror story that has a social context. It's all very well-done and I enjoyed it very much, though other people would easily write it off because of the overtly political texture. To them I say "Eat it."