jumper.jpgrating-2.5Jumper suffers from not knowing what to be. It so seems to want to be a big-boy sci-fi movie, but lacks the plot or script to get there. And it's too weakly-paced and inconsequential to just be action fun. I'm sorry to bring the pun up, but the movie is really all over the place.

Hayden Christensen goes over the Star Wars par as the bland hero of Jumper, the titular teleporter who is using his powers for his own gain until, fairly quickly into the very lightly-plotted movie, Samuel L. Jackson shows up at the white-haired cliche, paladin Roland. Yes, in difference to the novel the movie is based on, the film is about a society of people with a power vs. the Religious Right, apparently a far cry from the book. And, given that the collection of nonsensical dialogue and awful plot points was constructed by David Goyer, responsible for the worst parts of Batman Begins and the Blade movies, it's not a huge surprise.

What should be an no-brainer action/adventure movie is, instead, somewhat tedious, very thin on plot, badly dialogued, and looks vastly more interesting in the trailer than it turns out to be on screen, which is really the worst a movie can be.

Yes, Hayden is better than he was in Star Wars. That's impossible not to accomplish. Yes, most everyone else overacts. It's nice to see Billy Elliot's Jaime Bell not playing a pussy or idiot. Unfortunately, it's in this movie. Diane Lane tries to class up the film, but she can't really do it. And Rachel Bilson isn't a bad actress and not terrible to look at, but her part was kind of a retarded cipher and we don't give a shit about her. Or anyone else, really. In the end, we don't care about anyone and are underwhelmed by their conflicts, trials and resolutions.

From the sound of it, the novel was actually a hell of a lot better and this over-the-top effects extravaganza is hamstrung by the shit writing. The whole plot could have been written out on a cocktail napkin. Also, Director Doug Liman does nothing to live up to his Mr. & Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity credentials with this slapped-together film. It looks good, but it's as hollow as a fucking chocolate easter bunny.

In the end, I won't regret watching the film, but I'll never have to again.

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