The Butcher

butcherrating-0.5The Butcher should come with a shot of penicilin, because I'm pretty sure it can give you "the Clap" just from watching it.

This movie proves that people like Uwe Boll, for all their lack of talent, still have some sort of vision that sets them apart from other, worse directors and writers.

Our flimsy premise is that some college douchebags are on their way from Non-Descript, U.S.A.,  to Las Vegas to party. We have all the trappings of every bad, stupid teenager slasher movie all rolled into one... What movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, Wrong Turn, House Of Wax, 2001 Maniacs, High Tension, Wolf Creek, surely a couple of Friday The 13th installments, and probably a few dozen other movies all did (at least marginally) better is regurgitated here for you to watch again but with the lowest quality imaginable. It's a shit-fest of bad effects, worse acting, and the most abysmal and retarded scripting you can possibly find. And what it has to do with a butcher of any kind, I have no idea.

The actors are all of the lowest grade, including the recent Aquaman of "Smallville", Alan Ritchson, incompetently portraying the jock imbecile leading the pack of women and the brave loner we're surely supposed to accept as our hero by default. The only real acting is done by the breasts in the movie, sad and pathetic though they are.

Amidst all this nonsense passing for plot, likely written by a syphilitc fourth-grader (actually written by the asshole who brought you Mansquito), is much murder and mayhem, all managed with the stylistic touch of a homemade Super 8 film and a bottle of red food coloring. Though one cannot say the direction is as bad or as inept as it could be, it's still subpar and amateurish for what it is and it stands as a shameful event in the life of everyone touched by its making.

Anyone foolish enough to list this on their resume should be blacklisted and the fiilmmakers should be tried for crimes against humanity. Other than that, it was a perfectly mediocre waste of 90 minutes.

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